Pam and I met when she met my brother Scott, I was a newlywed myself at the time, and I liked her on sight. She was so quiet at first, seeming so unsure of this "new family". Time seemed to fly by, and as we became more acquainted, we found so many things in common, our love of animals, our love of good food and coffee, and laughing over silly simple things. We loved to just GAB!! Then the babies started to come, first my Ben... just 2 years before her Mandy, and oh how she loved to hold him and was always willing to help with him. Pam had a special touch with babies; they seemed to sense a quietness about her. Pam would hold them and rock them and when they'd fall asleep on her shoulder she never wanted to lay them down, she'd say "I just love the way they feel, the way they smell, the innocence and softness of them, and they grow up too fast, let me just hold him (or her) a little while longer". I can't count how many meals she ate one handed so that she didn't have to lay a baby down. I can see her now... the softness in her smile, watching a sleeping babe in her arms, love, pure and simple, absolute and unconditional love.

I remember too a certain shyness in Pam, maybe something some of her immediate family never saw, but it was amazing to watch her blossom as she herself became a Mom too. The day she came home from the hospital with her first born, the first granddaughter in our family, her Amanda Lynn, such a beautiful baby, I remember my Mom and Dad holding her, tears in their eyes, as Pam presented them with this precious little girl. I'm still mad at her for wearing those size 3 jeans home though, I tell you, it just wasn't fair! No one should be able to eat the way that woman ate when she was pregnant and come home looking so darned good!! She did the same thing when Eric was born, I tell ya, it just wasn't fair!

What I loved best about Pam the sister in law was that even though our paths stopped crossing as often as they did when she and Scott were still together, we always remained friends, and we always remained sisters. We shared our nieces and nephews, we shared many things. Most of all, I believe we simply shared the love of a sisterhood that nothing could take from us.

Pam and I both came upon some tough times in life, I loved that no matter what it was, or how horrible I thought something was, I knew that I could talk to Pam and she would listen, she would console me, support me and best of all, she never ever judged me. I believe in my heart that Pam also felt the same way about me, that she knew that no matter what, she could talk to me, trust me and I would love her no matter what. I did, I do and I always will. Each woman has different parts to them, the Mom, the daughter, the sister, the friend, and yes even the lover. I have always been honored that Pam was willing to share those people important to her with me; I pray that she knows that no matter what I loved her for who she was.

Sometimes we used to joke that we should have been truckers with the mouths on both of us, man there were times when we both felt strongly enough about something that even the toughest roughest meanest man on earth would have turned colors listening to the two of us get big, bad and ugly about something that ticked us off. Mind you, this isn't something I'm telling you all because I'm proud of it, its just one of those memories I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China. She was my kinda girl when she was ticked off, and it was so good to vent with her, we made a good team! I also always felt a lot better when we were done! That's what friends and sisters do I guess, but it was special, bad maybe (grins), but very special.

I've posted the story about Pam's hairdo in one of my tributes, I'll try to expand it here a little bit, and pray that no one take offense. Pam had just gotten a very short and very curly perm. My mother in law (May she also rest in peace), was visiting at the time and made a comment about Pam's new do. It was something along the lines of "Why you do that to your hair, you look like a (insert not so nice word here). Helen always said just what she thought, we loved her for that!  The comment wasn't the kindest but, my mother in law was born in Latvia and her grasp of the English language wasn't exactly perfect, and poor Helen, she just couldn't understand why Pam and I were falling off the chairs laughing and yes, I do believe one of us may have peed our pants because it was one of those things that as soon as we'd catch our breaths, we'd start howling all over again.

The kitchen table, or sitting outside on the warm days, always a coffee or an iced tea, and the best times were when all the kids were with us, maybe dumping buckets of water on Pappy while we hung out on the deck, filling and refilling the baby pools. Ben and Mandy picking on "little Adam", and Eric, still tiny, being snuggled either by his Mom, or Nana or Pappy or Aunt Sue. My kids Dad had nick names for them all, it all started with Ben-O, then we got Mand-O, then Ad-O, and when Eric came along, Pete knew the O wasn't going to work, I still call him Eric the Bee... it just suits him, he was always busy as a bee, still is!

In closing I want to add that I just wish that somehow, some way, I could have been there for her more. I wish that somehow, some way I could have prevented her from taking her own precious life, and that I could have spared all of us, especially Mandy and Eric, the terrible pain and burning questions that will haunt us until we meet again in heaven. I just don't know how to say Goodbye and so I’ll say, "Until we meet again".

I know that heaven is celebrating, that my Mom and Dad are thrilled to be visiting with her, Pappy (my Dad) always held a special place in his heart for Pammy, I know that his arms were wide and welcoming when she crossed heavens gates. Nanny's I am sure were wrapped around them both!

I've been blessed to have known Pam on earth for over 20 years, and while I know that I didn't know all of Pam, I do know that for who she was, and for the pain and sadness that she suffered, much of it was because of the deep love that she had for so many, and her deep need to make everyone happy. I also know that there was much joy in Pam's life, and I will hold her near and dear to my heart always and forever.

May God bless all of us who love her, may he bring us peace and the acceptance that she is with him now. I believe that she would want all of us to celebrate the good times in her life, and to remember her with love, respect and kindness, kindness especially to each other, those whom she loved. Peace be with you all.

I wish for all of you, much love and many fond memories. I dedicate this story to honor Pamela Lynn Morris, beloved sister in law.

Love,

Sue (Morris) Riepnieks