memories/ Shawn
I was driving home from the gym the other day and your song came on, Purple Rain i just started crying because you used to jam that song. Even the November Rain song makes me cry cuz all i think about is you. I miss you very much and wish you were still here for me to give a big hug to. I miss you very much and i have not forgotten you. You will be forever in my heart and just to let you know which you probably already do is that you are a grandmother now. We all miss n love you very much Pam, I wish things could have been different and you were here, but you are in Heaven with two of the greatiest beings God and Jesus, I love you Pam, I just want you to know that. Love forever your lil bro Shawn Close
Another year without u .. / Lisa (Girlfriend)Read >>
Another year without u .. / Lisa (Girlfriend)
Dear Pam,
Well .. I didn't forget about u on Christmas . We didn't celebrate christmas . I was to sick to even hold my head up and I didn't miss it to be honest. I thought about u all day yesterday.......I wanted to go to ur resting place but i have to get over this flu I have. I will never forget the 2nd christmas we had together and I had the flu! And u carried me to the car to take me to the doctor to see what was wrong.. I still wonder where u got all that strength from to carry my big ass LOL
I miss u .. I really really do. SOmetimes I come here and just sit and wonder.. look at ur pics and wonder what are u thinking now .. now that ur in heaven where all is perfect and beautiful and full of joy.
IF only is all I can ever think or say . but I know those if only's will never bring u back. But .....I know u hear me when I talk to u . I know u see me when I am hurting and ur standing over me keepin me safe.
Christmas 07 / Mom
Pam, It's been 2 years now that you have been gone. I miss you so very much, lots of times I wish you were still here with me. Christmas doesn't mean the same to me anymore. I don't decorate any more my heart just isn't in it. I went to your grave and put a Christmas tree on it, i just wanted you tho have something. I was so tickled when Mandy called and told me she was going to have a baby, my great grandbaby and yourfirst grandchild. I know you know all about it and that you're watching over her. You would make a wonderful grandmother. I just wish all of this would have come two years ago maybe things would have been different. Mandy looks alot like you. I am so proud of Mandy and Eric both, their really good kids. I still miss you as if it were just yesterday that you left. My heart is still hurting, I think about you all the time. My life hasn't been the same because I lost someone so very special and that I loved so deeply. It's a good thing that I have Shawn & Jody and the kids. I know Pam, that you are happy and that you are safe but that doesn't help me. No one knows how much I miss you and how much my heart still hurts. I wish that I could see you just one more time and hold you close one more time. I miss your hugs and the love you gave to everyone. I miss not having you around talking and laughing. Pam save me a place next to you so that when it's my turn I know that you will be there waithing for me. Well I will talk to you soon again. Pam, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and safe and loved. I miss you with all of my heart, My love for you will always be in my heart. My love is just as strong for you as it has ever been. Love and miss you, MOM Close
in general / Shawn (lil brother )
HEY JUST WANTED TO WRITE TO YOU AND TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER BUT YOU KNOW THAT. I THINK IT IS SO COOL THAT MANDY IS HAVING A BABY AND THAT I GET TO BE A GREAT UNCLE.I ASK THAT YOU LOOK DOWN AND GUIDE MANDY AND DAVE WITH THEIR LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY AND THAT THE BABY HAS A MARK OF YOU SOMEHOW. WELL JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAAT I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON'T THINK OF YOU. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART AND IN MY MEMORIES.LOVE YOU PAM, LOVE SHAWN Close
hey sweetie / Lisa Grubb (girlfriend)
Hey Pam, thought i would stop here and say hello and update you on things these days, Well, I know it has been awhile since I stopped by your site and updated things and said hello but I needed to get myself together and get my head back on right. Been spending so much time with Lu and mom just enjoying the time I have. I have learned from you to never take anything for granit here today gone tomorrow is my motto and make the most of it while I can the kids are doing great. they are getting so big these day and giving me a run for my money lOL laura isn't far from kindergarden.. I was thinking about puttin her in head start but I can't bring myself to break away . She wants to go to school and I can't let go yet LOL she is soooo big ! I ran into Jenny a few times. We talked for a long time and she seen Lu. It felt good to talk to someone about who knew how we truely felt about each other .. rather then what u wanted people to see at the moment. It's been a long road for me . But I have learned so much from all of this . I went through the hurt, the depression, the lonliness and the anger these 2 years. It's feels like yesterday you went to heaven . I can't believe it's been as long as it has. I think about you . We talk about you all the time. Brit has your pics all over her room .Guess you will never know just how much you truely ment to that little girl . Or laura for that matter.. I think that is what makes me the most angry . And of course the things I find out as time passes . it was like a double life you lead. But I forgive you .. I know u loved everyone you ever come in contact with in your own way . And I can't hate you for trying to be everyone's hero . Or everyone's good guy! I love you still .. good or bad. I miss u so much some times wish we could talk . This whole Dana and Alan issue is killing me . I hear their baby is due at the end of April. I haven't seen her. god I miss that kid.. of course when ur brain washe to believe the worst about someone who u gonna believe? Of course you seen the stuff for 5 years I don't have to tell you . I just want you to put a word in with god for me to keep my daughter and my grandbaby(I have dream't over and over it's a boy) safe and healthy. it's hard sittin here with noone to share in this joy with . She doesn't even know how happy I am but saddened as well. I wish she was finally home with me . But I guess I gotta do what I gotta do .
I know ur up there shakin ur head.. just wondering how in the hell. Don't worry hun I am askin the same thing LOL
well. I wanted to just say hello and share my thoughts and heart with you ......................I love you pam... I know ur smiling down and I am ok with that now .. cause I know ur happy and safe and you have a beautiful set of wings.
Dear Pam, I am just stoppin by to say hello and let you know I am doing fine. It's been awhile since I wrote you but I come here all the time. Sometimes I just don't need to say anything but look and see you ...
I wanted to say Congrats .. Your gonna be a great Aunt ! My daughter and your nephew .. how insane is that ..... I never thought we would ever become distantly related!!!!!!!! OMG .. can you believe it. Sad part is she is so brain washed I will probably have never see the baby... if I had my way .. she would at least have your middle name.. :) But that is me........................I miss you.. I know your ok up there and things here are looking up . Since I have found god things are so much better for me . I really had no where to turn to get rid of this ache. He has helped me alot with understanding and wanting to be a better person. The kids are doing great!! We are ordering Anth's tux for Homecoming this week.. and we order his Class ring in 2 weeks. can you believe he is graduating next year ??? I can't believe it !!!He is doing well.. Brit is brit LOL... but doing well in school . Pnut can't believe he is in 8th grade already. they are all growing so fast !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And laura .. well now .. she is amazing even today! She keeps us all laughing. She can count to 18 now and knows most her colors .. she talks perfectly and picks everthing up ! She can tie a knot now and dress herself !!! And she is fully potty trained.. No nite time pullups!! I take her for her 4year physical and shots for Kindergarden in a few weeks. Can you believe that .. kindergarden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They truely doo grow before you know! But who would have ever thought DANA would be having a baby already ... I am soo sad that her life is pretty much ending now .. being a mom will always come first and I hope for her sake she doesn't get taken into some bs and someone steal her baby from her as her grandmom did to me .. But if I know Missy at all .. she won't allow that to happen!!!! Soo .. I can only imagine what your thinking about all of this.. but once again we will in some way remain forever connected I guess.. I do so much miss you .. your never far from my thoughts .. I love you hun,
Just want to talk / Mom
Pam it,s been a while since i have talked to you, i miss you just as much as the day you left us.Things are,nt going too well these last couple of months.I wish you were here to talk to,and to help me to go thru this trying time with Pop,he,s been in the hospital for 2 months now,we almost losted him last month theirs a lot of things going on wiht him.Don,t know when he will be coming home.Pam i know you know whats going on without me telling you.Things are so differert around here since you been gone.It,s lonely here i don,t have Pop and i don,t have you.I just wish things could have been different.I am still finding things of yours ,the smell of your perfume is still in your bedroom were you slept.I have,nt made your bed since you have been gone.My heart still hurts a lot, i never missed any one as much as i do you.You are always in my heart theirs never a day that goes by that i don,t think of you.I just wish that i could hear your voice and to hear you laugh again.Mason i were up at your grave ,your head stone looks nice,I just wish i could have done more i want you to know that i love you so much it,s hurts.I still can,t believe its been19 months that you have been gone.Pam i just wish that i could hold you again like when you were a baby.You are always in my heart and you will never be forgotten by me.You have a very special place in my heart.I just thought that i would be the one gone first and not my daughter, children are,t suppose to go first but sometimes things don,t work out that way.I know they say that GOD does,nt give you any more than you can bare,but the last year or so i,ve had a lot to deal with, but i still have the faith of GOD.Without GOD i don,t think that i could have made it this far and i still have a ways to go with Pop.Well i guess i,ve bent your ear enough.I just miss you so much and love you with all my heart Love n miss u with all my heart.Mom Close
I wanted to stop and tell you a few things that have been in on my mind lately and it's been so long since I sat and wrote you that today had to be the day. I still miss you sooo much and think about you all the time. I dream about you sometimes.. but it's always about how you are living in some nice warm tropical place ... I never can understand why I dream those dreams but at least I hear your voice and see your face in my dreams. We celebrated Laura's 4th birthday yesterday... I had a huge cook out at Hibernia park .. one of your favorite places . She wanted a Backyardigan's party so that is what I did . She got her first bike from her Uncle John and her first camera from Ryan and Cassie, She told me at the end of the nite that she loved her party and had so much fun . We have been really busy lately . But she is never to busy to talk about you that is for sure. THe other morning we were eating breakfast at mom's and she randomly told mom that you had died.. Don't know where it came from .. maybe her little mind also think's of you non stop. I know she told me one day that she wished you would come back . I don't think she realizes that can't happen .. honestly .. I have a hard time dealing with that so how can she .
She is soo big now .. such a cutie and a little girlie girl . but she still doesn't like to wear dresses LOL THe kids are growing so fast. I can't believe that Anth is heading for the 11th grade now . And brit and pnut going to 7th ! it seems like yesterday that we were picking brit up from Kindergarden! All growin up so fast and yet it still feels like you just left . THe hurt is still raw and the pain is so agonizing sometimes. I try to smile more and the closer your birthday get's I can't help but rememeber how you never wanted a party .. and how I would get you a cake anyway and you would throw a fit.... and it makes me cry that I can't hear that again! I miss you yellin at me LOL .. funny how we take certian things for granit or never realize the unimportant things til they are no longer a part of our lives. Laura can count to 16 now and say some of her ABC's .. she loves to sing and dance and loves the bath tub still !!! She had a good turn out for her party in all we had 48 people show up .. I couldn't believe the entire invite list was there but 4 ! And I know in your own way you were there too. We ended up having a food and water and soda fight in the end and we were all covered in soda water and cake! But it was a blast !!! I don't think I have ran so much in years LOL Laura's fav part seemed to be the blowing out the candles! Oh and the play ground!!! Well .. I wanted to just stop and share that with you .. I miss you hun and wish I could talk to you for real ...But I know we will meet again ..
ALL MY LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER YOUR LESE!!
Thoughts/ Shawn
Hey it's me just wanted to write to you and tell you that i love you and miss you like crazy, I wish you wouldv'e have talked to someone about the things you were going through. Maybe if you did you'd still be here. Maybe i couldv'e done more to help but that is all done and gone, all i have are pictures and memories and thoughts of you. They all still fill my heart with love for you and i will never let your your memory die, and i will never ever forget you. you are always in my heart and everyones heart. I think of you everyday, everyday i look around and see the things that you enjoyed, things i have of yours, and most of all i still feel your arms hugging my neck and the love you showed. I wish you were still here for Mom's sake she is not the same since you passed and she needs to talk but she won't, make her talk Pam she needs loved and shown that the rest of us are still here to love her. We all know you are in Heaven smiling down just please watch over us and most of all watch over Mom. I wish things couldv'e been different and none of this happened. We miss like crazy. Me and the kids and Jody talk about you alot and think about the things we used to carry on about, Life has really sucked since you been gone and it's hard trying to move on but we all have to and i know that you would want us to. I think we are all a little afraid to let go of your passing, because you are missed and some of us are even afraid to lose you all together. WE ALL NEED TO REMEMBER THAT AS LONG AS WE HAVE YOU IN OUR HEARTS THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE LOST OR FORGOTTEN!!! I LOVE PAM, I ALWAYS WILL FOREVER AND EVER! LOVE ALWAYS YOUR LITTLE BROTHER SHAWN
P.S. IT'S HARD FOR ME ESPECIALLY AROUND OUR B-DAYS YOURS BEING THE 27 OF JUNE AND MINE BEING THE 30. LOVE YOU SIS! Close
Still very much missing you .... / Lisa (Girlfriend)Read >>
Still very much missing you .... / Lisa (Girlfriend)
Dear Pam,
It's been some time since I have been here to look at your beautiful smile or see all the love written all over this website from so many who miss you and love you .. It hurts alot to be without you .. and there are so many days when I miss you and wish more then ever my time would come and I would get to see you ..
Each day I try to tell myself I can go on .. the anger takes over my mind and then my memories get clouded and the hurt eats at me more and more ..... the lonliness is so overwhelming and it takes my breath .. the longing .. the ache that lives in my heart now .. the need to feel your arms around me .. the need to hear your voice or smell your perfume . My life is filled with more anger and bitterness then I ever thought could surround me .. I miss you .. and I feel so cheated out of the right to tell you that face to face .. If Only we all would have known what you were feeling.. thinking.. hurting about . I am sure you have many things you would have said if you could have found the words or courage to say them . I am sure you would have taken this pain from all of us and taken it with you if you were able to .. I know you loved everyone that much .. but it's unbearable without you here.. I can't speak for anyone else .. but for me .. this is my hell.
I can't believe how much your missing .. in laura's life. She is so big now. She talks very well .. it's hard to believe she will be 4 years old in another month and a half! Soon she will be in school.. all so hard to believe! She is such a beautiful little girl .. so sweet and loving. All that you wanted her to be ! She loves to still go Bye Bye's ! She tells me "I want to go shoppin mommy!" Her favorite food is Pizza and her favorite snack is still Ice Cream or Cookies! And she still loves to watch Dora the Explorer. She has almost worn out the videos you and I got her when she was a baby.She still asks about you and still looks at your picture and say's she misses you .
we both miss you .Brittany misses you,she still cry's and wishes you were here, us girls, kinda, feel torn apart now.it's like we haven't really communicated since you left us. I haven't talked to mandy and eric and that hurts too.. I haven't been very productive and havent' found a way out of my slump yet.. guess you could say ... I am just dwendling away from a broken heart.. and wish I knew what I could do to make it all better on this end .. if I ever even can . I know I will see you again some day .. But someday just doesn't seem good enough to know. and I can't convince my heart of that ... I can tell my mind anything but my heart doesn't want to listen . I didn't even celebrate easter this year.. I slept all day . I knw you would never want me to be like this .. but it's hard all so very hard to deal with . I plan to go to your resting place with Laura and brit soon.. I went there last on valentines day and left a dozen roses for you .... but it was so hard to bere there I haven't been back .. The weather is nice now and we can spend time there and talk to you and I know Pnut to has something he has been holding on to for a long time that he has been wanting to put there for you . as for me...sometimes I just go to remind myself that this is all real and you really are gone.. it's like a sad wake up call everytime I walk down that short path from the car .. and see that plaque with your name on it .. a harsh reality I hate facing .....hard to sit or stand there and talk to you and not hear your voice respond to me ..
I wish I could hear you respond to me ...............................
I miss you hun, I love you always... as I promised .. You are and always will be my heart >.............
All my love today , tomorrow and always. Lese (lisa m. grubb)
Hey Pam, Just your little brother here. Iwanted to write to you and tell you that i think about you everyday and that you are always in my heart. I haven't been on the site for awhile, but that doesn't mean that i don't think of you. WE all talk about the memories we have of you, wish you were here to make more. When i read the things that people write about you the tears start flowing cause we all miss you very much and i would give anything to have you back. I miss all the talks we had the time we shared together, and most of all the hugs. Also wanted to tell you that i got back into wrestling and i got to wrestle King Kong Bundy on Saturday. It was awesome. Well i'm gonna go love you Pam more than you'll ever know. love always Shawn
It's been awhile ..... / Lese (girlfriend)
Hey Pam!! It's been awhile since I have been able to sit down here and write to you and today I had that moment and here I am .. I come here to see you always ! But never able to sit down at this desk and write you a letter. The road to recovery from the heart attack has been a slow one .. and 2 surgeries later, Here I am .. still sittin in front of this pc to see you .. Not that I want to leave the kids .. but to just spend a moment with you and see you and be able to talk to you well that is worth a million to me ! I think about u every single moment of my time.. don't think i have forgotten you cause I could never ever !! Your still my one and only and still all that I carry in my heart! I can't believe all the uncanny things that have happened since you been gone.. like the Stealers winning the superbowl,Prince singing at the superbowl this year the list is endless.. and somehow I know you haven't missed a moment of it ! get this.. jersey has passed a law for holy union! Mom said she thought of us right away and thought to herself if you were here we would be there that day!! I laughed LOL >> cause I know it was true !! I miss you hun... the world is such a different place since you been gone.And things aren't the same without you here.
I still cry missing you .. wishing I could just touch your face and smell your hair.. wishing I could hug you and hold you .. wishing I could hear your voice.
Pam .. YOur still my soul mate.. that will never change ever !!! I miss you hun, All my love today tomorrow .. always I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!! lisa Close
HARD BEING WITHOUT YOU / Mom
Pam things still have,nt gotten much better since you left,my heart is still hurting because you,re not here.I miss you more every day things don,t seem the same.I wish you were here so we could talk and do things together.I never thought that i could miss any one like i do you,when you left you took a big piece of my heart with you.I thought my world would come to an end,i never hurt so bad in all my life.You are and were a big part of my life i don,t know how to get on with my life right now.Loosing you was one of the most heart breaking things that could have happend to me.I just wish that you could have talked to me or some one.I miss you so much i wish you were here to hug you like when you were a baby.Pam you had so much to live for and you gave so much love to every one ,you had a heart of gold,you gave to every one and some times i don,t think that you got it back.You were the most precious gift that God gave to me, and he has you back.I,m glad that God gave you to me for 43 years i wish i could of had more.I know that you are safe with God and that no one can hurt you any more.I can remember the first time that i held you in my arms you were so beautiful i loved you so much i did,nt think that it was possiable to love any one so much.It really hurt and broke my heart when i lost you.I,m going to try and get you a head stone this spring.Pam my heart is really toren apart and i don,t know how to fix it.I talk to other people about you it helps for awhile but my heart goes right back to hurting again.Theirs not a day that does,nt go by that you,re not in my heart and on my mind. Pam you had so much to live for,you have two wonderful kids sa long as their here i still have a part of you.Iwish that i could go back 16 months i would still have you ,but i can,t change that.I know that GOD will take care of you and keep you safe.Pam just save me a spot some where near you.I love you with all my heart .You will always be in my heart,i will never forget you.You are so missed and loved by me.love you with all my heart, love always and forever.Mom Close
help me to get trough this / Barb Fisher (cousin)Read >>
help me to get trough this / Barb Fisher (cousin)
pam.
the last time i saw you i had told you that i was getting a divorced and you were happy for me.i ask my self so many time why but there is no answer to that question.i in the years have lost touch with you mom and all of yous but no matter what you was there .my daughter brittany was on your web site tonite and when i heard that song after she left i cryed .each day that goes past i thank god that you are up in heaven with my mom and that crazy bucky .i am going through shit right now pam that after i heard your song i realize i can handle it with you by my side.i never said this but i love you and ty for taking care of my mom and let them know how much we miss you and them.right now pam i have no man in my live but i feel if god wants me to have one he will send me a sign .i agree that all this bullshit haves to stop all we are doing is hurting each other.god i wish there was away i could get a hold of your mom your mom looks so much like my mom .i love you pam
Just needed to say hello / Lese (girlfriend)Read >>
Just needed to say hello / Lese (girlfriend)
Pam, It's been awhile since I have been able to write you so much has been going on , I missed coming here to see you ... I had mom checkin your site for me when I was in the hospital just to make sure all was ok .
I went to your resting place the other day with Pnut and left you a dozen red roses .. I miss you so much it drives me crazy to go there .. to have to leave u roses there and not hand them to you directly ,
I remember so clearly the day I had surgery .. I swear I thought I was dreaming but the more I think about it I wonder. There you were as I always remember you with a smile ........ telling me it was going to be ok . You didn't say anything else.. But just the fact that I seen your face and heard your voice when I least expected it ... makes me so wonder if you weren't really truely there. And some how it made all my fears go away , but also made me realize how close to being with you I really was. and it scared me a little bit .. But I was happy to see you and hear you . if ever there was a wonder about the other side and if those we love are waiting .. god it's so true!!!!!!!!!!
I miss you pam .. things have been so insane these days. things I never thought would happen have .. things that I never thought would happen to me have! and it's a little hard to understand how even now I am still her after all that .
I love you and just needed to tell you that .. I know you hear me when I talk to you and pray to you .. but I miss telling you everyday how much you mean to me . all this time has past and the hurt still hurts the same the lonliness hasn't faded away and I still wish I could just hold your hand .. and feel your hugs .
Please know your still the biggest part of my heart .. Laura is so bigg now you wouldn't believe it ! We love you and miss you pam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wanting to talk / Mom
Pam it will be 13 months soon that you have been gone, i miss you so much.I have,nt made you,re bed it,s the same way you left it.I need you so much,i miss you more than any one knows.It,s still hard not having you here.I can,t seem to get myself to move on you,re death has really done something to me.Some days i hurt so bad it,s not easy getting over someone you carry so close to your heart.I just wish we had more time to spend togeather.I set here looking at your pictures and it just breaks my heart to see my beautiful daughter were i should be and not you.I would have given anything in this world to have traded places with you.I don,t know how to get qver your death.It,s hard to loose someone that you love so much, the pain of loosing you will never go away.I don,t enjoy things in life any more,i know that you are happy in heaven with JESUS and no one can ever hurt you again.I have your pictures sitting every were so no matter were i look i see your face.I hope some day that my heart won,t hurt as bad as it is right now.I will always hold you close to my heart and will never forget you.You were my first born and i will never forget the joy you gave to me.I will love you forever and always.just save me a placenext to you in heaven.Lov Mom Close
I am still here ....... missing u .. wishing to see you . I wish I was with u right now . I think about you all the time . and time seems to go to slow and seems to never bring to you fast enough.
I missed you so much on christmas .. I remember how excited you would get
and I remember our first christmas together.. it was amazing how I made it through that day happy as can be . Concidering I never liked the holidays.
You had that way about you that made me smile and laugh at the worst of moments!
I remember the Christmas I gave u ur rings... I remember sitting there as if my heart would burst out of my chest.. cause it was such a big step for us and commitment . And when I finally got it over with I remember I couldn't speak but sat there just looking at ur face. Trying to make sure it was a moment I would always remember .. the look on your face was as shocked as the moment I finally told you I was in love in with you .........god I can still remember that feeling .. as if I couldn't speak a word . the anticipation was so much more then I could bare and yet I couldn't tell you ! I remember it taking me forever cause I wasn't sure of your reaction !!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad I did ! I got to spend the best moments of my life with you . THe best times in my life were spent with you and some of the most meaning full words I will ever speak were said to you and some of the most meaningfull things I ever heard in my life came from you . I appreciate ever single moment I ever spent in your arms . Hearing your voice or hearing your heart beat.
I never took a moment with you for granit and I remember ever single day like it was yesterday! But what hurts most is the last day I spent with you .. that last moment I heard your voice and the last time I hugged you !
I miss you ..I never imagined I would love like this and I am happy that I got to! But It hurts to miss you this much . It hurts to be here without you and not see you .. or talk to you or wake up to you drinking ur coffee!
I wish you knew then how much I truely would miss you .. how much we all would miss you ....................I wish you would have found what ever it was keeping you empty for you to not want to go on anymore! I wish I would have been enough to keep you here and happy !
Noone in this world could ever understand how this has impacted my life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOONE can ever understand how I am not a complete person anymore and I feel like I am nothing without you .
I can't fill the pain ever .........and no matter how I try I can never be truely happy again .
I miss you sooooooooooooo much it hurts and miss you so much it takes the breath from my chest ! The tears never end.. I think I cry every single day .. I just miss you . I love you hun, and can't wait to see you in heaven ...........
Still filling the pain / Mom
,,Pam it,s been a year that you have been gone, but it seems like a long time.I just wish that i could of had more time to spend with you.I don,t know how to get over not having you here the holidays have not been the same .I think of you all the time,Honey you are aways in my heart theirs not a minute of the day that i don,t think of you.Pam know one knows how much this has hurt me,i lost my first born my precious daughter.I just wish that i could have gone before you and not know this pain that i carry in my heart.I never thought that i would ever fill this kind of pain and heart ache.I just hope and pray to God that don,t have to go thru this again.A child should,nt have to die before the parent.I just wish that i could have traded places with you.I know that you are safe and happy with Jesus and that you feel no more pain.I went to your grave today to make sure every thing was ok and to talk to you. It,s hard not having you here,i don,t know about any one else but i am having a hard time getting over your death.I miss you so much, but i do remember all the good times.I just love you so much,Shawn went to pick up Eric and he had dinner with us,Pam he is really a good kid and so is Mandy.Pam you be proud of both of them.Lov always Mom Close
Time without you has been a time of heartache and tear shed .. My time is filled with anger hurt and dispare. I never know which way to go or who I can trust.
I miss you ... It' been a year today since you been gone from us all .. It feels like an eternity since i have seen your face or held you in my arms.
It feels like an eternity since I heard your voice say "I love you !"
Christmas wasn't the same without you .. and as little as I did do yesterday I still didn't want or feel up to doing that . I had to put on my smiles and pretend and silently I was crying .. wishing and wanting to be with you where you are .
Strange things happen and while lying in bed with Laura christmas eve singing her the itsy bitsy spider she stopped me mid streem and said something that will never leave my head!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear if I didn't know any better you talk to her daily .. she looked at me and told me "pam is really sorry mommy!" I asked her for what Lulu? " she said "for leaving you "
I wonder............................I really wonder .......what does she see.. what does she know ? I swear I would think it was all in my head but she tells everyone else these things to .. she talks about you and too you like your right here .
I miss you ...........................I dont think there is much more that I can really say other then that ! I wish you were here I need to hear your voice say my name .. I need to smell your perfume.
I thought the time would get easier as I went along.. instead it feels as real as the moment I got the call .....................
I haven't talked to mandy and eric.. god knows I miss them to .. but my phone is shut off ... and while I am here missing them .. I want them to know as well I love them both so much !
I can't think of one thing I wanted for Christmas other then to have you back .......... guess I can't get everything I want !
Gone but not forgotten / Shawn
Pam, just me remembering the good times and the hard times the good is messin with you and talkin with you and most of all the hugs. The hard ones knowing that i can't see you anymore until i get called home. I really have been thinkin of you alot especially the last few days when we are coming up on the anniversary of you bein gone. It is just so hard not being able to talk to you huggin ya laughin with ya pickin on mom together or whoever. It really isn't the same i think of you everyday there sin't a day that goes by.I just wish you would have seen the impact you really made on people, but i also wish you would have gotten treated the way that you deserved in sayin that i wish everyone could have shown the love that you showed because no matter what anyone says it was true love. You did whatever it took to make someone happy and i didn't realize that till after you were gone. And i am soory for not seein that. This year has really been hard on a lot of people i know it has been for me. Alot of struggles i think you have seen them.I just ask that you would send mom a really big Christmas hug and help her to move on not to forget you but to remember you with all the love and memories that we have. I Love You Pam Merry Christmas! kind of hurts to say that those were the last words i said to you after we hugged love always Shawn Close
Tributes and Condolences
